How many are fake? You can learn to be friendly and likable by practicing your social skills. Unlike peacekeeping, peacemaking does not result in an explosion. You’ll get a 100% free custom report with the areas you need to improve. The most popular people are often the glue that holds their friends together. So why are so many teenagers and young adults obsessed with being cool? However, this mindset can be detrimental. Popular people deal with conflicts instead of letting everything slide because they’re afraid of confrontation. You Like To Show Off. Surround yourself with people who make good choices. Your life decisions should be based on your moral code and an understanding of what will do the most good for the most people. That way, you can get to know a range of people and make friends in lots of different This is because some acne and breakouts are caused by oily skin, and the UV rays dry the skin. Likewise, popular isn't just something you are or you aren't, but something you make yourself. Reasons Why And What To Do, How to Get High Social Value and High Social Status Quickly, How to Get People to Respect You (If You’re Not High Status), TIME Magazine, The Chicago Tribune, The Hill, MSN, WebMD. If you show them how to live an authentic life and you have your ego in check, they will eventually get there. Hi I had a question, so one of my friends had a concern with another friend, she is friendly and outgoing and sometimes screams or talks loud and stuff, the other friends personality is more quiet and refined, so she thinks that friend one is such a drama queen and tells her that. There’s a fine line between “nice” and “pushover,” and it’s important to make sure that agreeing to do things for people won’t be a detriment to you or your other obligations before consenting to do them. Once they’re “rewarded” from their peers because of whom they really are, they will start to see their true value and let go of what they think others expect of them. TikTok reports that it has over 80 million monthly active users in the United States. We can appreciate them when they entertain us, for that is their job, and then get on with our own lives. Growing up as a teenager and young adult, I used to produce music events and publish a music and fashion magazine. Follow on Twitter or read more. Just look at how our politics, media, and corporate culture breeds this type of hierarchy. This is why the lesson on “Validation and Self Worth” is so important so that your child does not depend on external sources to feel good about themselves. Why People Consider 'Normal' to Be 'Good' By Christina Tworek 08 July 2016 people often mistake normality as a criterion for morality, scientists say. 60% are female, 40% are male. The psychology of bondage: Why do people like to be restrained? Just try. People who are successful at influencing others tend to tell stories about experiences without adding their own opinion. I don’t know if you like video (it’s time you started liking it), but there’s nothing more … In high school, were you in the “cool group” or in the “other” group? By clicking on this article, it’s helped me understand that I need to stop being someone who I’m not and start being me. Before we begin the lesson, I want you to think back to when you were a teenager: how important was it for you to fit in? The next time you see her, it would be a good idea to ask, “And how is your nephew doing?” Not only will this show her you were paying attention during your last conversation, but it will also convey that you genuinely care about her. It’s during the teenage years that the ego is being formed and entrenching its identity. Some are popular because they are likable. You can never force anyone to agree with you. Once you have decided which skill you would like to improve, the following resources can be very helpful: Not only will your skills, talents, and hobbies increase your popularity in your social sphere, improving your career-related abilities will improve your popularity in your workplace as well. A lot of people who tan, both indoors and out, report significant improvements in their complexion. Genuinely nice people listen. I hope this helps you. Most of us are so busy thinking about how we’re going to respond that we don’t actually pay attention to everything that’s being said. Orville Gilbert Brim, author of Look at Me! People want to spend time with people who care about them, and this empathy and concern are key to be a popular person. To be a peacemaker requires taking action. A Male & Female Perspective Most guys want to be cool and popular because they want to get laid and be desired by the “hot” girl. By naturally presenting them other options and letting them choose for themselves (it is VERY important that they choose it for themselves), you will have done the best you can. They will probably be intrigued to learn where you are from and why you are starting at a new school. Help Them Discover Their Authentic Self. Sharing your problems with others is a good thing– it’s actually a key step in making close friends. Many people attempt to justify their gossipy behavior by saying, “I’m not talking behind anyone’s back. In this lesson you are going to learn why your teenage son or daughter obsesses over being cool and popular and what you can do to help them. Best wishes to you! These memories are salient for a reason, said Mitch Prinstein, a professor of psychology and author of “Popular: The Power of Likability in a Status-Obsessed World.” The urge to be popular among our peers reaches its zenith in adolescence, “at just the same time we are developing a stable personality,” said Prinstein. Things will get far messier than they would have if you had decided to be a peacemaker instead. Others are popular because they have a high social status. People enjoy being around them due to personality traits such as positivity, trustworthiness, friendliness, or attentiveness. The Fame Motive from Childhood to Death, says that today’s culture is full of people who don’t want to be famous for a particular talent, they just want to be famous so they can Nice people don’t avoid tough conversations. Will I not be populare because of him? What’s the secret to making people like you?”. It’s tiring to talk to someone who writes everyone and everything off. What most teenagers are saying is “look at me”. Make small talk with people in your classes; you already have something in common: an interest in the same subject. Even our presidents have to focus so much on their popularity otherwise they wont win. Parent coaching – If you need help learning how to get your teen to listen to you or do what you want then go here. Please help. New Survey Shows Twice as Many Kids Want to Be YouTubers As Astronauts. Let your teachers and classmates get to know you. I am not populare and I just really want to be. Eleanor Roosevelt. Research shows that the more popular you are at school or work, the happier you will be when you’re there. What Can You Do As A Parent? It simply means you need to improve your social listening skills. I could use a coffee. As a result, others want to spend time with them. Some students have a reputation for being “cool,” but they aren’t necessarily considered the most likable. Save. Being cool and popular helps people get attention. I didn’t want to be sexier. In some circles, being cool is about rebelling. Its sense of self worth is being established and it gains a hold on your teenager, at least until they can learn to strike a balance between their true self and ego self. For example, most adults — of both sexes — are unhappy about their weight or body shape. In fact, many people need this kind of meeting. Alcohol – How to talk to your teen about alcohol, Anger – How to help your teen address their anger issues, Being Cool & Popular – How to talk to your teen about not being cool & popular, Boredom – How to talk to your teen when they are bored, Bullying – How to talk to your teen about bullying, Career & Life Purpose  – How to talk to your teen about building their future career & life purpose, Dating & Sex – How to talk to your teen about dating and sex, Depression – How to talk to your teen when they are depressed, Drugs – How to talk to your teen about drugs, Ecstasy – How to talk to your teen about using ecstasy aka MDMA or “Molly”, Hard Drugs – How to talk to your teen about hard drugs, Hurt Feelings – How to talk to your teen if they have hurt feelings, Lying – How to address your teen when you catch them lying, Money – How to talk to your teen about being responsible with money, Out of Control – How to talk to your teen when they are out of control, Overweight – How to talk to your when they become overweight, Partying – How to talk to your teen about partying, Rebellion – How to address teenage rebellion, School – Tips on how to address problems at school, Stealing – What to do if your teen is stealing. Click here to learn how to deal with dominating people.). Ask people you are close to for their opinion. Ultimately, the biggest difference between a genuinely nice person and a fake nice person is the motivation behind their niceness. Life Skills Tutoring – If you have a good kid who just needs some help learning life skills and getting ready for the “real world” then go here. [3], Try using positive self-talk. Football stars, movie stars, political figures, coaches, and CEOs of major companies all have one thing in common: they were popular… Will I ever be poulare? Other characteristics of an easygoing person include: Many of us think that we are far better listeners than we really are. Popular people understand that talking behind people’s backs will cause them to quickly lose friends. For example, try saying “Hi” to the barista in your local coffee shop or asking a colleague whether they had a good weekend. Take a look around. }, Free training: Conversation skills for overthinkers. In the second scenario, however, you are offering to do something the other person could have done with the same effort as you– not because you believe they have a genuine need for your help, but because you want something in return (friendship). Many of the lessons that you’re teaching them by example won’t “hit them” until they get older. A legitimately nice person would try to talk to his friend about the problem. Even worse, since people tend to spend time with others who are similar to them, the friends they do have are typically also pessimistic. In short, we behave selfishly, focusing more on ourselves than the other person. It was an acknowledgement that the way you expressed yourself was unique and respected by others. I want to be able to get up and go without thinking about anyone else. Refusing to build relationships with people you see for forty or more hours per week will rob you of beneficial social experiences. They don't realize that it takes work to be popular. ), Personal development/self-help books relating to the area you are seeking to improve, Working with a mentor who is an expert in your area of interest, Free local or online classes, such as those at, Joining a local Facebook group pertaining to your skill/interest, Use "conversational threading" to avoid awkward silence, Learn a proven technique to get past empty small talk. For more help, check out these 22 tips for making small talk. Although confrontation is often associated with aggression and bullying, when done the right way, it is a crucial part of forming and maintaining healthy, lasting friendships. Some issues need to be addressed with the person in question and that person only. That’s why normal (aka ordinary) tends to be perceived as good. I know a lot of fake people who have no friends because they have been lying, stealing and cheating most of their lives. 11 Reasons British Citizens Don’t Want Prince Charles to Be King Robin Raven Updated : Nov. 28, 2020 If some people had their way, the next king of England wouldn't be the man who's been in … Here's Why That's Terrifying Nearly a third of America's kids are fantasizing about the … Here’s how to be a more popular person in life in general. If you can, be chatty and funny! For example, frown if they tell you something bad, smile if they tell you something good, laugh if something is funny, etc. Young adults who have a small number of good friends are happier and have better mental health later in life than those who are obsessed with being popular in their class or year group.[4]. It is this attention they seek so that they can feel better and accepted. Set yourself a goal of asking or answering one question every period. She doesn’t just do this to me but she does this also to others as I’ve noticed. Instantly beat self-consciousness with the "OFC-method". Ask casually as though it’s no big deal, even if you’re nervous. People enjoy being around them due to personality traits such as positivity, trustworthiness, friendliness, or attentiveness. While repeatedly talking about problems people already know about might have a therapeutic effect on you, constant negativity will make it difficult for your friends to enjoy spending time with you. There are four key factors that are happening in your child’s mind and personality construct: Because most teenager’s feel insecure about who they are and are still unsure of themselves, the safest way for them to feel accepted is to be associated with the “in crowd”. Counseling – If your teen is struggling with negative emotions or poor behaviors then go here. When you are listening, show them that you are listening by nodding and making affirmatory comments such as “Yeah,” “Mhmm,” “Oh wow,” etc. They let people make up their own minds. When you are around your closest friends, you should express yourself whenever you feel the need to. Great minds talk about ideas, average minds talk about events, small minds talk about people. Dare to ask people to hang out, and say “Yes” to invitations. It’s cowardly. Your teenager is always watching you regardless of whether you think they are or not. Unfortunately, there is no exact answer here. I hope this is helpful, Make a good first impression, try to be outgoing and unique. because i never yell at anyone really. Is your offer conveying that your time is more or less important than the other person’s time? Social skillsMaking conversationMaking new friendsPersonal developmentImproving your confidenceMental well-beingLonelinessSocial anxietyIntroversion & Extraversion, How to be popular in college or in school, being helpful just to make others like them, The ability to have fun even it means looking silly, How to Build Rapport: A Powerful Technique, The Ultimate List of Body Image Statistics, High School Popularity Might Backfire Later in Life, It’s Lonely at the Top: Adolescent Students Peer-perceived Popularity and Self-perceived Social Contentment, How To Stop Trying Too Hard (To Be Liked, Cool Or Funny), Being Treated Like A Doormat? Additionally, some people with psoriasis and eczema see improvements after tanning. You are great at computers and help someone out with a technical problem they can’t solve on their own. Note: For those of you with daughters, this is why many girls become promiscuous or “dress slutty”. Try to keep the conversation light and positive. Take this quiz and get a custom report based on your unique personality and goals. If you want to be popular, start by putting yourself out there and joining a variety of teams or clubs, like the soccer team or school newspaper. (adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || []).push({}); Angry Teenager: How To Deal With Your Angry Teen, The impact of Facebook and other social sites, How teenagers just reflect the ego aspect of our society, Four key factors to look for with your teen, A step-by-step guide for parents that will help keep your teenager in balance, The importance of helping your teenager discover their authentic self, Help you build a better relationship with your teen and, Help your child become a healthy, happy, and responsible young adult. During the teenage years one of the issues that will come up is when your son or daughter is obsessed with being cool and popular. If you want to take a proactive approach and get involved with your teenager to try and sway them from trying to be cool, you can offer them other outlets to explore what they want to be and do in life. Viktor is a Counselor specialized in interpersonal communication and relationships. Depending on which group you were situated with, how did the phase of fitting in impact your life? E-Book – Download my free e-book on How To Talk To Your Teenager So They Listen To You where I show you seven very important steps on how to handle your teen. The person assumes you think you are more capable than they are of writing the report and may be offended. He manages Socialpro’s scientific review board. “YouTubers were judged to be more engaging, extraordinary and relatable than mainstream stars, who … The person assumes you are desperate for friendship by offering to do something for them that they don’t need help with (i.e., you’re needy) and is uninterested in spending time with you as a result. “Niceness” is a tricky subject, as “nice” people often seem to lack friends, while the “cool” people or “bad guys” become popular. Can confess to being one of those who talk down on things, it’s like a bonding process for me. “Why are some people so popular? It says not to talk about othersbehind their backs but my friend is also expressing a concern to me. My name is Sam Miller and for the last 20 years I have been helping parents regain control of the situation with their child as well as helping their teenagers deal with the many challenges they face. Daughter – If you have a daughter go here to access it. 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