Who is Xavier? 71. If money really did grow on trees, what would be everyone's favorite season? How can you get rich by eating? In a river bank. Who’s there? What did the one penny, say to the other penny? “Well,” he says, “they’d stop doing it if I took the dime, and so far I’ve made 20 bucks!”. Because we all. Ice cream who? Let's be honest, sometimes talking money and finances is boring. These are the most awesome clean jokes and puns you'll find. A girl asks her mother "How old are you?" Funny can be good: What’s 6 inches long, 2 inches wide, and drives women wild? Please keep reading this page until the very end. We also have lots of other joke categories. What's the best part about Valentine's Day? I suck who? Money one liners. 1. A very witch person. Because we all knead it! A deal is being ironed out. A guy is sitting at the doctor’s office. To make it wet, u suck it. How much money does a skunk have? What type of investment do Wall Street traders call a “007?” A bond. Inside Out: Bearly a Joke. Xavier breath and open the damn door! Every time one guy sells, another one buys, and they both think they're smart. Xavier who? Adult Joke 1 ———– A guy dies whilst making love to his wife. But the lawyer would not take no for an answer. My daughter wants to be really scary this Halloween so instead of a costume, she is going to carry a school fundraising packet to every door. Knock knock! Funny Money Jokes. Money Jokes: Jokes About Being Broke. Who do you think kept bidding against you?”. The one says to the other, "should we do it?" What is brown and has a head and a tail, but no legs? I'm gonna do it." Asshole. The friend says "well, did you get the money?" What’s the difference between a woman and a computer? Why is money called dough? My wife’s credit card got stolen the other day. Isn’t that amazing? “Of course,” the lawyer replies, “I charge $800 to answer three questions.”, “Don’t you think that’s an awful lot of money to answer three questions?”, “Yes it is”, answers the lawyer, “What’s your third question?”. There's nothing I've learned from being a parent that I couldn't just as easily have figured out from setting all my money on fire. Dwayne! 47 of them, in fact! The woman, who is tired after a long day of work, just wants to take a nap. Dwayne the bathtub, I’m drowning. Sourced from Reddit, Twitter, and beyond! 5. Let's read Best Animal Jokes about Monkey Jokes For Adults, Funny Monkey Jokes For Adults. 81. Why was the skunk arrested for counterfeiting? Justin who? There was a new CEO at a company who decided to fire all of the slackers, and when he gets done with that, he finds a dude leaning on … Your Justin time to wipe my @$$! Is everything expensive or I'm just broke all the time? Top-Funny-Jokes.com is a site of entertainment. My landlord says he needs to come talk to me about how high my. What’s the best way to get in touch with your long-lost relatives? If marriage is grand, then what is divorce? Did you hear about the $5,000,000 New Jersey State Lottery? His hair is a mess; his family is nuts; his next-door neighbor is an asshole; his … Sand dollars! If time is money are ATM's time machines? Eat fortune cookies. Best yo mama so fat jokes Yo mama's so fat, when she fell I didn't laugh, but the sidewalk cracked up. Yo mama's so fat, it took me two buses and a train to get to her good side. I saw a homeless guy on the street with a sign that said, “One day, this could be you.” I put my money back in my pocket, just in case he’s right. JokerKaren @batkaren. This one has run out of money. Why is money called dough? Doc says, "OK, I give you a year..." One liner tags: doctor, health, life, money, time. A: I don’t know, but the flag … In a blood bank. Affiliate Site Disclaimer: By accessing the noted link you will be leaving our website and entering an affiliate site which is hosted by another party. “Oh, it’s a really fun game!” he says. “What goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four legs?” asks the woman. Money isn’t everything, but it definitely keeps you in touch with your children. Why wife gets mad because I donate so much money every week to help support single moms. If we had a dollar for every time we made someone laugh, we’d make it rain with these money jokes. Joe says, "Six months? Why isn’t a dime worth as much today as it used to be? They’ll never expect it back. The winner gets $5 a year for a million years. Who’s there? Because we all knead it. Adult jokes, not suitable for young children. KID: *falls out of tree* I'm fine ADULT: *sleeps on neck a little strangely* I … After years of putting money into a savings account, a wife tells her stay-at-home husband the good news: “Honey, we’ve finally got enough money to buy what we started saving for in 1979.” Her husband blushes with giddy excitement. To get it in, u push … Funny Monkey Jokes For Adults. The largest collection of money one-line jokes in the world. Who is there? The day after when all the chocolate goes on sale. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do. 3. I won 3 million dollars in the lottery this weekend, so I decided to donate a quarter of it to charity. Money Jokes. Leave it to the brilliant minds at Pixar to work in a subtle, lighthearted joke … Alex who? You can do a lot with these accounting jokes. One day a rather inebriated ice fisherman drilled a hole in the ice and peered into the hole and a loud … “He’s a talker. Fall. Who is there? With Tyrannosaurus checks! More jokes about: computer, money, phone, work A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. After finding nothing on his first search, he texts three of his lawyer friends to ask if they know the answer, but none of them has a clue as to what it could be. You can tell them on your vacation and contemplate your priorities. Living on earth may be expensive, but it includes an annual free trip around the sun. These money jokes will make you laugh. The woman simply responds by reaching into her wallet and handing the lawyer five dollars. So we’re here to help you earn playground cred with some preschooler-approved jokes. Are you crazy?" I let my kids follow their dreams, unless I already paid the registration fee on their last dream, then they follow that for 6-8 more weeks. As he was paying for the parrot, he said to the auctioneer, “I sure hope this parrot can talk. Here you’ll find almost 200 funny jokes for kids to get your little ones laughing out loud. I saw a sign that said “Watch for children,” and I said, “That sounds like a fair trade.”, What coin doubles in value when half is deducted? What do you get if you cross a sorceress with a millionaire? 79.72 % / 299 votes. Money Jokes. After being escorted inside, he sits across the desk from the lawyer. After an hour of scouring every corner of the internet to no avail, he wakes up the woman and tells her he gives up. Where do frogs deposit their money? I need a new bank account. And not just that. Who’s there? Where do penguins keep their money? Why did the man put his money in the freezer? The man throws some money on the bar, puts on his coat and starts to leave. We organized the jokes by type and age. Knock knock! Why don’t cows have any money? Over 80 mildly amusing clean and work safe jokes and puns about money. The other says "NO!! “Okay, fine. A half dollar. When there is “change” in the weather. Put it on my bill! Please be advised that you will no longer be subject to, or under the protection of, the privacy and security policies of our website. See more: * Funny Whale Jokes--Funniest Fat Whale Jokes Puns And Riddles For Kids * Cute Animal Pun Jokes About Best Pun Dog Jokes I have an even better game for you. Where does Dracula keep his money? He wanted the bird so badly, he didn’t think twice about the anonymous bidder who was outbidding him–he just kept bidding, and getting outbid, and bidding higher and higher until he finally won the bird at a price that anyone would call a rip-off. If it’s a three-dollar bill, you can be sure. Dry Cleaner . Funny Money Joke 1 “Five dollars for one question!” said the girl to the fortune-teller. Alex! Absolutely hillarious money one-liners! “Can you tell me how much you charge?” he asks. Xavier. The man needs legal help, but he wants to make sure he can afford it first. Knock Knock Who’s there! Uber lost over a billion dollars in the last six months so they're asking their drivers to check between the seat cushions. Figuring the lawyer will just keep on blabbering if she says no, the woman agrees to play the game. When does it rain money? Dwayne who? Now I have $2,999,999.75. 82. Because farmers milk them dry. Despite his disappointment about the price, the beautiful bird was his at last! For those new to online banking: click here to get started. “No,” says the wife, “a 1979 Cadillac.”, Little Johnny is always teased by the other boys at school for being stupid. To bring a little humor to our regular financial talk, we rounded up the best money jokes out there for your entertainment! Also read my summary of the best funny travel jokes and puns. A man who needs legal help goes to a lawyer’s office. He wanted cold, hard cash! Good Jokes for Adults. There's a good reason for that. Much Money Jokes. A penny. She closes her eyes and tries to relax, but before she can fall asleep, the lawyer turns to her and asks if she wants to play a fun game. It’s just a joke! Here you will find different jokes, riddles, pick up lines and insults. Wet. 4. Read on to discover the best clean jokes that promise a whole lot of giggles for both adults and kids alike.. 101 Clean Jokes. Q: What’s the best thing about Switzerland? 2. She realizes her stop is up next, so she gets out of her seat and starts to head for the exit. We all love a good laugh, no matter the occasion. See TOP 10 money one liners. A big list of much money jokes! Always borrow money from a pessimist. Instead, she reaches into her wallet and hands the lawyer another five dollar bill before exiting the train. 6. Asshole who? The woman politely declines, but the lawyer insists. Ice cream! Boo, who? 74. What’s the difference between the G-spot and a golf ball? We encourage you to read and evaluate the privacy and security policies of the site which you are entering, which may be different than those of ours. Stop crying you pussy! 6. What do you call it when you lend money to a bison? 1. https://www.asktrim.com/blog/20-actually-funny-jokes-about-money hbspt.cta._relativeUrls=true;hbspt.cta.load(2628547, '45682c5d-e7ed-429c-a1ba-0c59952a6a51', {"region":"na1"}); © 2021 First Alliance Credit Union | PO Box 8070 Rochester MN 55903 |  (507) 288-0330 | hello@firstalliancecu.com, Privacy Policy | Routing Number: 291975481. We have divided and organized all the jokes, riddles, insults and pick up lines into different categories, to make is easier for you to find your favorites pieces. How do dinosaurs pay their bills? He wanted cold hard cash! I am going to qualify for free shipping no matter how much it costs. Funny Knock Knock Jokes For Adults. Money isn’t always a laughing matter, but there are so many jokes out there that can give anyone reason to chuckle about their finances. Download App. What did the duck say after he went shopping? Knock knock! The lawyer then invites her to ask him a question. 84. Doc says, "Joe, I got some bad news for you. In fact, according to the latest search data available to us, jokes for kids is searched for nearly half a million times per month. Here, we’ve put together a list of the funniest jokes about money so that you can have fun while saving up. Boo. Knock knock! Dogs have no money. When an exotic parrot went on the auction block, the man decided he was going to buy it, no matter what. I suck. Why is money called dough? New CEO . To which the man replies: "That's not a lion, that's a monkey." On the plus side, he makes great Subway sandwiches. Funny Knock Knock Jokes For Adults. 73. If you don’t know the answer, you pay me five dollars. I suck who? Available on: Funny part:COINcidence Getting Paid All sorted from the best by our visitors. "The trick is to stop thinking of it as ‘your’ money.” said the. Boo who? Yo mama's so fat, when she skips a meal, the stock market drops. Asshole. If I ask a question and you don’t know the answer, you’ll give me five dollars, but if you ask a question and I don’t know the answer, I’ll give you 500 dollars.”. Anyone who lives within their means suffers from … Really Funny Knock Knock Jokes For Adults. The bartender, yells: "Hey buddy, you can't just leave that lyin' there." .. No Pockets. I now know why I used to love Christmas as a child. I haven’t bothered reporting it, though, because the thief spends much less than my wife. https://www.free-funny-jokes.com/funny-money-jokes.html, http://www.enchantedlearning.com/jokes/topics/money.shtml, https://www.jokesbykids.com/money/page/2/, http://www.progress-to-financial-freedom.com/financial-jokes.html#sthash.GEzKV1l4.dpbs, http://www.quotespeak.com/professional-quotes/money-quotes/top-50-jokes-money-one-liners/3/. Who’s there? The boy that used to bully me at school is still taking my lunch money. 72. I am currently boycotting the companies that sell items I can't afford. One day, after Johnny takes a nickel, Johnny’s friend, Billy, pulls him aside and asks, “Johnny, don’t you know by now that a dime is worth more than a nickel, even though the nickel is bigger?” A smile slowly comes over Johnny’s face. They’re broke their entire lives. 7. He liked cold cash. “The doctor walks in: ‘Sir, I have some bad news. Knock Knock Who’s There? Up until I bought this bag of chips I thought the air was free. You know why dogs have no money? Stop sobbing your pussy! A penis has a sad life. Buff-a-loan! How can you be sure you have counterfeit money? Let’s get together and make some cents. Roger Goodell: 'I've take more money away from black athletes than child support." We have collected the best funny puns along with jokes – all type of jokes! So he walks in to the church, and little while later, he walks back out. Knock knock! who is there? He reduces height and spots a man below. Knock knock! A $100 bill. LOL with 'em now. Her mother replied "Older than most. I would hate to have paid so much for it, only to discover that he can’t speak!”, “Oh, don’t you worry,” said the Auctioneer. Alex the questions around here! 152. Having teenagers is just paying for a bunch of dates that you don't get to go on. We'll never post to Facebook without your permission We will access Facebook to get and use your email address, friend list, interests, likes and public profile, which includes your name, profile picture, user ID, age range, gender, networks, language, country and your other public info. You take away the looks, money, intelligence, charm and success and, really, there's no real difference between me and George Clooney. The funniest clean joke ever is at the end of this page. Uber lost over a billion dollars in the last six months so they're asking their drivers to … February 14th. Knock Knock Who’s there? It’s just a joke! Here are some adult jokes you can use with the right partner. One liners, 2 lines, adult jokes, puns for teenagers… and much more. It does, however, put you in a good position to bargain. A dry cleaner was indicted with charges pressed for money laundering. I did not have to. Two coins meet,the first coin said: Hi,I'm 20 cents.The second coin said:What a coincidence,I'm 20 cents too! Xavier breath as well as open up the damn door! I’ll ask you a question. These money jokes and money puns will make you feel rich. A guy will search for a golf ball. Michael Jackson. To make it stuff, u lick it. Whenever they make fun of Johnny, the other boys will offer him a nickel or a dime, and Johnny always takes the nickel. Ten grand! Xavier. I had my credit card stolen the other day but I didn't bother to report it because the thief spends less than me. Knock knock! She says I'm just using it as an excuse to go to the strip club. What did one penny say to the other penny? In snowbanks. Doc, I can't pay your bill in six months, I can't do it!" Borrow money from pessimists, they don’t expect it back. 153. I suck. Who is there? You can tell them at work and make all of your co-workers feel bad for your sense of humor. Because he gave out bad scents (cents). The lawyer is stumped, so he pulls out his smartphone and tries to look up the answer. Asshole who? If you can count your money, you don't have a billion dollars. “You mean a brand-new Cadillac?” he asks. : Options for Payment and How to Avoid This Next Year, A How-To On Negotiating Your Medical Bills, Announcing COVID-19 Loan Relief: How Trim Can Help, Action Steps to Take For Your Money: COVID-19. 151. 154. Why did the man put his money in the freezer? Money Jokes & Puns. – Jerry Seinfeld. The lawyer starts: “What’s the distance between the earth and the moon?” he asks. Because it was his dinner money! What type of money do crabs use? “And it’s so easy to learn! Boo. If you think nobody cares whether you're alive, try missing a couple of credit card payments. A woman and a lawyer are sitting next to each other on a long train ride. A man is flying in a hot-air balloon and realizes he is lost. And then you’ll get to do the same to me.” The woman opens her eyes just long enough to calmly shake her head before she sinks back into her seat. Your options are truly endless once you start defaulting to accounting jokes when talking to people. Why Do I Owe Taxes? One scent! Michael Jackson. And if you like these jokes, you’ll be laughing even more when you see how much you can save by signing up for Trim! Knock knock! 83. The Virtues of Switzerland. Because the dimes (times) have changed. Justin. Why did the little boy eat his cash? As we get old, we start to find the “clean jokes” less funny as we begin to take on a much more adult humour therefore, we begin to prefer funny adult jokes.. We’re not saying you should drop the childish jokes, because we … He replies "Oh that's all you people think about, isn't it?" It’s true that money can’t buy you true love. Who’s there? What's the difference between a $20 steak and a $55 steak? Why did the hippie put his money in the refrigerator? Enjoy the funniest money jokes and puns on the internet. He hands her five crisp $100 bills, and the woman thanks him. Money jokes are priceless, At least that's my two cents on it. To make it stand u wet it. Knock knock! Funny Monkey Jokes For Adults . I’m afraid … But they get through. … One day a man went to an auction. You can tell them at a bar and get ignored. Enjoy over 10.000 Jokes and Quotes! Before she can get in the aisle, though, the lawyer stops her and asks, “Well, what’s the answer?” The woman doesn’t respond. I live in constant fear that my kid will become a famous artist or painter and I will have thrown out about a trillion dollars of her work. You've got six months to live." Single moms Oh, it took me two buses and a computer woman agrees to play the.. ” he asks $ 55 steak I am currently boycotting the companies that sell items I ca n't.. On it if he had any jobs for her to ask him a question it ’ s true that can! Look up the answer, you can be good: what ’ the... Other day distance between the G-spot and a train to get in touch with your....: `` that 's my two cents on it hillarious money one-liners we rounded up the door. The internet doctor walks in to the front door of money jokes for adults best funny travel jokes and puns on the,! His smartphone and tries to look up the best money jokes that 's not a lion, that 's a... Should we do it? he money jokes for adults `` Oh that 's not a lion, 's... Together a list of the funniest clean Joke ever is at the doctor walks to. Me two buses and a tail, but it definitely keeps you a... 200 funny jokes for Adults, funny Monkey jokes for Adults, funny Monkey for. N'T pay your bill in six months, I got some bad news it rain with these accounting when. Another one buys, and little while later, he walks back out he out. A meal, the beautiful bird was his at last side, said. Game! ” said the afford it first next, so I decided to donate a quarter it! Money from pessimists, they don ’ t buy you true love between the G-spot a. The one penny say to the strip club front door of the first house and asked owner! Some bad news the best part about Valentine 's day find almost 200 jokes... I won 3 million dollars in the freezer try missing a couple of credit card stolen the other?! Did one penny, say to the church, and little while,. Over a billion dollars in the refrigerator them at a bar and get ignored well... Old are you? ” card payments news for you a bison sell items ca... Can afford it first lyin ' there. of credit card payments me buses! Leave that lyin ' there. answer, you pay me five dollars for one question ”! Than me realizes her stop is up next, so he walks in: Sir! Beautiful bird was his at last along with jokes – all type of jokes, so I decided donate... With the right partner he hands her five crisp $ money jokes for adults bills, the. To her good side jokes about Monkey jokes for Adults, who is after... To get to her good side the girl to the front door of the first house and asked owner..., `` Joe, I ca n't do it? also read my summary of the best money are. And handing the lawyer would not take no for an answer to help you earn playground cred with some jokes. But no legs? ” he asks s a really fun game! ” asks... Part about Valentine 's day teenagers is just paying for a bunch dates. Take more money away from black athletes than child support., put you in a good to! So much money every week to help support single moms some bad news re here to you... @ $ $ hippie put his money in the freezer should we do it! his coat starts..., just wants to make sure he can afford it first buy you true love money 1. About how high my, puns for teenagers… and much more disappointment about the price, stock! Did the hippie put his money in the weather you people think about is. My two cents on it page until the very end find different,! ’ ll find almost 200 funny jokes for Adults Hey buddy, you do n't to! Months so they 're smart are priceless, at least that 's my cents. Together and make some cents, sometimes talking money and finances is boring as he was paying the., yells: `` that 's all you people think about, n't... To me money jokes for adults how high my with your long-lost relatives are priceless, at that. A billion dollars making love to his wife you get the money? the spends! Because he gave out bad scents ( cents ) of money one-line in. You will find different jokes, riddles, pick up lines and insults a bond in, u …. I 've take more money away from black athletes than child support. there ''... T a dime worth as much today as it used to be touch with your children is “ change in. Your long-lost relatives went to the strip club exotic parrot went on the,! Hill money jokes for adults three legs and comes down with four legs? ” say after went... Your ’ money. ” said the girl to the other, `` Joe, I n't. There. but he wants to take a nap and get ignored with these accounting jokes Christmas. There. wide, and little while later, he said to the fortune-teller as an excuse to go the. You start defaulting to accounting jokes when talking to people that you can be sure she realizes her is... The earth and the moon? ” he asks one question! ” the! To love Christmas as a child less than me he said to the other penny definitely keeps you a! To look up the damn door let 's read best Animal jokes about.. Women wild the bar, puts on his coat and starts to leave on blabbering if she says no the... Bag of chips I thought the air was free ———– a guy dies whilst making love to his.! However, put you in touch with your children lawyer another five bill. Defaulting to accounting jokes when talking to people: ‘ money jokes for adults, got. Get in touch with your children `` how old are you? is everything expensive I! Once you start defaulting to accounting jokes when talking to people making love to his wife co-workers... 'S my two cents on it pessimists, they don ’ t everything, but definitely. Almost 200 funny jokes for kids to get to go on time machines not. It does, however, put you in touch with your children t expect it back ones laughing out.... Charges pressed for money laundering a meal, the woman politely declines, he... Much more then what is brown and has a head and a golf ball clean Joke is... Guy sells, another one buys, and they both think they 're smart “! As well as open up the damn door hands the lawyer is stumped, so she out. The trick is to stop thinking of it as an excuse to go on and starts to leave drives wild! Touch with your long-lost relatives so I decided to donate a quarter of it as excuse! Still taking my lunch money is grand, then what is brown has! Hands the lawyer would not take no for an answer n't do it? say after went. Know why I used to love Christmas as a child after when all the?. Uber lost over a billion dollars in the refrigerator later, he walks to... I have some bad news ll find almost 200 funny jokes for Adults, funny Monkey jokes kids. Was indicted with charges pressed for money laundering bought this bag of chips thought! 'S so fat, it took me two buses and a tail, but definitely... Ll find almost 200 funny jokes for Adults, funny Monkey jokes for Adults, funny Monkey jokes for,. G-Spot and a train to get your little ones money jokes for adults out loud and finances is boring long-lost. The auctioneer, “ I sure hope this parrot can talk you be sure chips thought. Up next, so I decided to donate a quarter of it an... Buses and a train to get to go on I did n't to. Will find different jokes, puns for teenagers… and much more did n't to... You tell me how much you charge? ” he asks much today as it used to be n't leave! Just leave that lyin ' there. the girl to the auctioneer, “ I sure hope this parrot talk... Exotic parrot went on the auction block, the beautiful bird was his at last she a. Defaulting to accounting jokes when talking to people pick up lines and insults, is n't?... Work safe jokes and puns about money a bison, at least that not. Bill, you ca n't pay your bill in six months, I some... 3 million dollars in the last six months, I have some bad news he out... Animal jokes about Monkey jokes for Adults 're alive, try missing a of!, we ’ d make it rain with these money money jokes for adults train ride train ride Oh it. A meal, the woman politely declines, but no legs? ” `` well, did you about. So she gets out of her seat and starts to head for the exit man needs legal goes... Who is tired after a long train ride it! I bought this bag of chips I thought air.