The man couldn’t pay his bill, so he gave him another six months.”, “My grandmother is over eighty and still doesn’t need glasses. If you're going to do something tonight that you'll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep late.

She said, "I want to go somewhere I've never been before." Tell me when it’s ready.”, “If my mother knew I did this for a living, she’d kill me. His boss became sick of him.”, “My grandmother is over eighty and still doesn't need glasses. secret, happy, marriage, remains. Naked Gun 2 1/2. Finally, I let her out.”, “Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who’ll give you a little love, a little affection, a little tenderness? I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back. "Okay, you're ugly too!”, “Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who'll give you a little love, a little affection, a little tenderness? She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.”, “Someone stole all my credit cards, but I won't be reporting it. The columnist, Walter Winchell, dubbed Youngman ‘The King of the One-Liners.’ When you look through our selection of Henny Youngman one-liners, you’ll understand why.

Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment. My wife is on a new diet. His dog graduated!”, “Why do Jewish men die before their wives? He told me to quit going to those places.”, “I've got all the money I'll ever need, if I die by four o'clock.”, “If at first you don't succeed... so much for skydiving.”, “It's not true that married men live longer than single men. Run ten miles a day." This is a paid political announcement." I've been doing nothing for years.”, “You know what I did before I married?

and

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The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret. Please set a username for yourself. She cooks the same way.”, “How to drive a guy crazy: send him a telegram and on the top put ‘page 2.’”, “This man is frank and earnest with women.

She hasn't lost weight, but can she climb a tree.

People will see it as Author Name with your public flash cards. Henry “Henny” Youngman was born in Liverpool, England in 1906 and died in New York when he was 91 years old. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. Tags: Once a guy in one of those clubs wanted to bet me $10 that I was dead. Then they were separated. Movie and TV Show Quotes.

Your place for the most inspirational and funny quotes by Henny Youngman and many others. Check 3 friends. Richard Jeni Quotes.

By the way, you have a nice house!”, “A man goes to a psychiatrist. My wife told me the car wasn't running well. It can’t buy you money.”, “When God sneezed, I didn’t know what to say.”, “I played a great horse yesterday! 200 Cigarettes Quotes. Tags:

It interferes with their suffering.”, Your email address will not be published. More Henny Youngman Quotes. They’re worth it.”, “I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.”, “I played a lot of tough clubs in my time. Henny Youngman. Henry "Henny" Youngman (16 March 1906 – 24 February 1998) was a comedian and violinist famous for "one-liners", short simple jokes usually delivered rapid-fire. He was a karate expert, then joined the army. Posted by Quotes at 9:04 AM No comments: Famous Quotes - Funny Quotes "My grandmother is over eighty and still doesn't need glasses. Henny Youngman Funny Quotes. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. Quotes by famous dead people and some other humans. Anything I wanted to.”, “You look like a talent scout for a cemetery.”. We, hold, hands, shops.

My wife and I went to a hotel where we got a waterbed. If my wife finds out, she’ll kill me.”, “When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.”, “I know a man who doesn’t pay to have his trash taken out. Henny is most famous for his short jokes and quotes, the most famous being 'Take my wife - please.' Drinking Quotes. The next day, the man says, Did you do what I told you to? Last Updated on October 20, 2020 “If you’re going to do something tonight that you’ll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep late.” ― Henny Youngman “Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. American comedian and violinist. The doctor says, "You're crazy" The man says, "I want a second opinion!"

There was water in the carburetor. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.”, “If at first you don’t succeed… so much for skydiving.”, “A doctor gave a man six months to live. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. Steven Wright Quotes. The thief spends less than my wife did.”, “The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.”, “We always hold hands.

In Fresno, he’s Frank and in Chicago he’s Ernest.”, “My dad was the town drunk. My wife will buy anything marked down. Henny Youngman. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. Yes, I'd like to receive Word of the Day emails from YourDictionary.com. If I let go, she shops.”, “What's the use of happiness? Walter Cronkite Quotes. Henny Youngman Quotes - Funny Quotes "My wife is the sweetest, most tolerant, most beautiful woman in the world. The doctor says, "Limp!”, “A doctor gave a man six months to live. You need to get some exercise. Last year she bought an escalator. He told me to quit going to those places.”, “When I told my doctor I couldn’t afford an operation, he offered to touch-up my X-rays.”, “My other brother-in-law died.

“If you’re going to do something tonight that you’ll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep late.”, “Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. What can I do?" Journalist Quotes. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. Henny Youngman (1906-1998) U.S. (English born) comedian Funny Awards Famous Recipes.

She thinks I’m selling dope.”, “That was the first time I saw a horse start from a kneeling position!”, “You have a nice personality, but not for a human being.”, “She’s been married so many times she has rice marks on her face.”, “You can’t buy love, but you can pay heavily for it.”, “I’ve got all the money I’ll ever need, if I die by four o’clock.”, “If you had your life to live over again, do it overseas.”, “This man used to go to school with his dog. Henry "Henny" Youngman (March 16, 1906 - February 24, 1998) was a British-born American comedian and violinist famous for "one-liners," short, simple jokes usually delivered rapid-fire. Two weeks later, the man called the doctor. One got sick, so the woman made chicken soup out of the other one to help the sick one get well.”, “There was a girl knocking on my hotel room door all night! My wife called it the Dead Sea. Drinks right out of the bottle.”, “My wife is a light eater. The first time he saluted, he killed himself.”, “I’ve been in love with the same woman for forty-one years.

When God sneezed, I didn't know what to say. All the sayings and quotes are copyrighted to respective authors and WHQWorld is just a curator here to distribute them with the world. Cats and Dogs .

By continuing, you agree to our Tags: Dan Rather Quotes. "No, jump in!”, “She was at the beauty shop for two hours. Tags:

We always hold hands.

It can't buy you money.”, “When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.”, “While playing golf today I hit two good balls.

It only seems longer.”, “Just got back from a pleasure trip: I took my mother-in-law to the airport.”, “Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all.”, “Most marriage failures are caused by failures marrying.”, “My best friend ran away with my wife, and let me tell you, I miss him.”, “My brother-in-law had to give up his last job because of illness.

Top 49 Henny Youngman Quotes of 2020.

The doctor says, "How is your love life since you have been running?"

It means you're in the wrong house, that's what it means.”, “Every time I ask what time it is, I get a different answer.”, “I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up - they have no holidays.”, “I said to my wife, "Where do you want to go for our anniversary?" As soon as it's light, she starts to eat.”, “Psychiatrists say that 1 of 4 people are mentally ill. Misc Uncatalogued Quotes. Share . Tags:

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Seinfeld Quotes. Most of the time that’s not so bad; but New York City?”, “The horse I bet on was so slow, the jockey kept a diary of the trip.”, “What’s the use of happiness? Tags: Henry "Henny" Youngman (16 March 1906 – 24 February 1998) was a comedian and violinist famous for "one-liners", short simple jokes usually delivered rapid-fire. "I don't know, I'm 140 miles away!”, “A drunk was in front of a judge.

I asked where the car was, and she told me it was in the lake. I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. Jerry Seinfeld Quotes. How does he get rid of his trash? Tags: He told me to quit going to those places. wife, hotel, we, Dead, Sea. Stupid Quotes Wise Quotes. “Doctor, my leg hurts. I was afraid to bet.”, “My wife dresses to kill.

That was only for the estimate.”, “Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. The Hangover Quotes… Rodney Dangerfield Quotes. Henny Youngman Quotes. Home / Authors / Henny Youngman. It means you’re in the wrong house, that’s what it means.”, “A self-taught man usually has a poor teacher and a worse student.”, “She’s a big-hearted girl with hips to match.”, “Those two are a fastidious couple. Privacy Policy. Drinks right out of the bottle.”, “My brother was a lifeguard in a car wash.”, “This is an elegant hotel!

WHQWorld is one of the largest Quotes website curated from all over the world covering every possible categories and famous people. Room service has an unlisted number.”, “While playing golf today I hit two good balls. Henny Youngman Quotes. Deep Thoughts by Jack Handy.

March 16, 1906 – February 24, 1998.

If I let go, she shops.

I said, "Try the kitchen.”, “I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.”, “I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places.

Coconuts and bananas. The Cite Site brings you inspirational, thoughtful and witty quotes by famous and lesser known people, most of which died ages ago but live on through their words. Yes, I sure did. Good Morning Meme ( Funny & Fresh Collection) of 2020. The drunk says "Okay, let's get started.”, “A guy complains of a headache. The man couldn't pay his bill, so he gave him another six months.”, “A doctor says to a man, "You want to improve your love life? It took seven horses to beat him.”, “My son complains about headaches. If at first you don't succeed...so much for skydiving. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing.

He specializes in short jokes and is nicknamed The King of the One Liners. He gift wraps it, and puts in into an unlocked car.”, “You look like a talent scout for a cemetery.”, “Why do Jewish divorces cost so much? god, Funny.

I stepped on a rake.”, “The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.”, “A Jewish woman had two chickens. His best known (and oft misattributed) one-liner was "Take my wife-please" Update this biography » Complete biography of Henny Youngman » wife, keeps, finding. The judge says "You've been brought here for drinking." I put my head on my wife's bosom, and the headache goes away.

He was born March 16th, 1906 in Manhattan New York.

She’s fast and he’s hideous.”, “Just got back from a pleasure trip: I took my mother-in-law to the airport.”, “I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up – they have no holidays.”, “I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. wife, buy, anything, marked, down, Last, year, bought, escalator. They want to.”, “Why don’t Jews drink? wife, new, diet, bananas, hasn't, lost, weight, can, climb. Your email address will not be published. Tags: wife, me, car, wasn't, running, There, water, lake.

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